How Can I Help?
The motivations and effects of helping
Could helping be good for our mental health?
We seem to be busier than ever these days. Work, family, school, household responsibilities…adulting. Who has time to help others with their lives when ours are so full? When everyone needs a chunk of us, we might feel like we have nothing left to give. And when our tanks are nearing “E” and we need a fill up, or when we need to draw oxygen from our own mask before helping someone with theirs, how in the world can we possibly create more output?
The Internal versus the External
A commonly known strategy to calm an anxiety or panic attack is distraction. Change focus. The youth I’ve worked with over the years use variations of this method by wearing a snap bracelet or carrying earbuds in their pockets for a music moment. What if we conceptualized distraction differently— by changing our focus outward to others’ needs instead of what is playing on repeat in our own minds?
People living with depression often find it difficult to think and feel externally. Motivation to do anything, let alone help others, can wane with each exhausting day. What if a friend desperately needed us to get out of bed and come to their aid, ripping us out of our own moment of despair to focus on theirs?
Perhaps one of the ways to move our emotional energy needle from empty to full is to shift our energy from the internal to the external.
But first, let’s investigate helping and the motivation behind it.
Empathy-altruism Theory
Is it possible for human beings to be altruistic, or do we help others for our own benefit? Does it matter what the goal is?
Empathic Concern
In a theoretical paper on the empathy-altruism theory which, in a nutshell is “empathic concern produces altruistic motivation” the authors conclude that yes, we do have the capacity for altruism despite the age-old debate of motivation sourced from egoistic helping (helping which could result in our benefit) versus altruism (helping to increase the wellbeing of another). The difference between the two is, in its definition, empathy—an emotional response aligned with the perceived needs of another’s welfare.
But there’s a catch.
Not all empathic concern produces altruistic motivation. It’s only when we perceive another is in need and our help could improve their welfare do we consider action. For example, if you see a person collecting money at an intersection or on the sidewalk, you might make a snap judgment about whether they need the money before deciding to contribute to their bucket. If you’re a veteran and the person collecting money has a military hat on, and a sign that says “homeless vet,” you may be keenly aware of the problem of homelessness among veterans and decide to donate. Conversely, if you see someone who is collecting money to “save the planet” and this message doesn’t resonate, or you don’t believe the planet needs saving, you might walk on by.
Often, we select to help when the mission is personal. If the helpee's cause or the needs of our community hit the bullseye of our heart, we may feel more empathic and in turn be more willing to help. For example, a neighbor living with a disability has an overgrown yard and we wheel our lawn mower down the street to cut their grass. A person who frequents our restaurant has a daughter recently diagnosed with cancer, so we put out a collection cup to raise money for her treatment. A co-worker’s car breaks down so we give her a ride. And so on.
Altrusim
Altruism can have intrinsic and extrinsic motivations, so I’ll expand on these using the above examples. Mowing our disabled neighbor’s yard could feel good for us and reduce their homeowner stress (intrinsic) and could make our neighborhood or street have more curb appeal (extrinsic, especially if your own home is for sale). Setting out a collection bucket for a patron’s daughter can feel good and help the family with medical bills (intrinsic) and can also make your restaurant seem family-oriented, thereby drawing in more customers (extrinsic). Finally, giving someone a ride can improve their welfare (they don’t lose their job, they make money to support themselves/their family, intrinsic), or this colleague might be a critical part of the success of your project and their skills are needed to meet a deadline (extrinsic).
Motivation
Earlier in this newsletter I questioned whether helping motivation matters if the goal of increasing another’s wellbeing is met.
The argument that motivation matters relates to the idea of random versus systematic helping. Do we give help as a one-off, or do we help because we envision a more caring and compassionate society? Do we want to affect the life of one person, or a few people, or do we want to infect our communities with the virus of altruism?
Another motivation is giving back. As a social work professor, I have met countless students who study to be social workers because they themselves have had a social worker impact their lives. At a high level, social work is about helping, and a coined phrase describing our profession is “society’s problem-solvers.” I recently read an admissions personal statement of an applicant who shared that she was a child in the foster care system during her mother’s struggle with addiction. She had a social worker who helped her see her potential and kept her focused on living her best life despite her family’s circumstances. This student wanted to learn how to do the same for others.
One of the tenets of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step program is that helping others in their recovery is helping oneself, hence, the “sponsor” model. Similarly, in mental health care, peer providers (people living in recovery with their mental illness) are employed in various positions to work with those in earlier stages of treatment. Although studies on the effects of peer support are mixed in terms of reducing hospitalizations and other cost-saving outcomes, the research is clear that peer providers increase treatment engagement.
The model of those who have suffered helping the suffering is rooted in The Helper Therapy Principle.
The Helper Therapy Principle
We’ve established that helping feels good and this feeling is one of our intrinsic motivations to show up for others. We’ve discussed the role of the suffered helping the suffering. But what will it take for those who have not suffered (at all, or in the same way as those suffering) to step out of their comfort zone, develop empathic concern for the suffering of the unfamiliar, so we can create a society of altruism? Is it possible?
The case for helping extends beyond the warm and fuzzy feeling we get when we’ve improved someone else’s wellbeing. The flush of dopamine and serotonin sure are nice, but as we weigh the pros and cons of helping, we may need more evidence that helping isn’t just a good idea or the right thing to do.
Helping has health benefits. In a review of the research on how helping impacts our mental and physical health, the authors present studies that suggest that volunteers had fewer incidents of major illness than those who did not participate in various giving/helping activities. A caution noted by the authors was that there is a threshold: if helping overwhelms us, we may experience a detrimental effect.
Helping has economic benefits. Although many might donate money for the tax deduction, there is evidence of how a sharing economy is a tide that can lift all boats and has a positive impact on our personal and collective psychology. Recently, the effective altruism movement has shaped the discourse by helping givers funnel their money into evidence-based efforts. The rapid growth of the movement makes it clear that we don’t just want to give, we want to give well.
Hope for a Helping Future
Last week, I wrote about asking for help. If we can neutralize the barriers to help-seeking, explore our motivations for helping, and increase our empathic concern for others’ wellbeing, we can create a ripple effect. If you help someone, the likelihood that they will in turn help someone else increases.
Do motivations matter? They do, but we must begin our helping somewhere if we’re going to start a chain reaction. Being part of the chain, the pebble in the ocean that causes the ripple, means that whether we’re seeking intrinsic or extrinsic benefit, we’re accepting the call to be part of the collective that makes the world a better place. And my god, we need it now more than ever.